Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
