i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
