There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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