She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
