Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
