I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
