It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
