So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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