Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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