Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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