So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
