new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
