I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
