3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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