On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
