JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
