Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
