My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
