You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
