id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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