dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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