**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
