i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
