You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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