Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
