I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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