Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The air was thick with penises
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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