i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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