I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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