weddingsv make me drug and hornr
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
