i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
