Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
