I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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