I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
