just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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