after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
