i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
