Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
