Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
