so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
