Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
