happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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