I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
