Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
