i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
