LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
