Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
