I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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