Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
