Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
