I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
